


now that i'm wide awake, i only see daylight

by newhues



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Drabble, Kissing, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, and the word and, beomgyu is gay, innapropriate use of commas, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26417083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newhues/pseuds/newhues
Summary: beomgyu has an eye for things that shine, and soobin is the brightest of them all.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin
Comments: 21
Kudos: 121





	now that i'm wide awake, i only see daylight

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta-ed, written at 4am and my first completed fic in years. this can only go down south but we die like men i Guess.
> 
> \+ sorry if it sounds super rushed, parts of this were supposed to be a part of a longer, more complicated fic that i never got round to finishing, and i desperately wanted to upload something here so i had to shorten it significantly ;-;

the winter night is a cruel one, with the ice-cold wind blowing mercilessly against their faces, their exposed arms, their hands. there are no clouds in the sky, however, and the stars are brighter here than they are in seoul. 

beomgyu turns to face soobin and his breath hitches. the full moon casts sharp shadows across his face but he can still make out the cold-induced pink in his cheeks. he looks paler in the moonlight, his skin a stark contrast against the blackness of his hair. before beomgyu can reach out to touch it, soobin turns to him. 

"hey, you're the one who dragged me out here to look at the stars, but all you've been doing is staring at me," he says with a smile so dazzling beomgyu feels his breath snag at his throat.

despite the chill in the air, beomgyu senses a surge of heat rush to his face and opts to look at the sky instead, at the starry night that loomed above them against the velvety-blue backdrop of a sky and silently wills his heart to beat a little quieter. 

shakily, beomgyu nudges up closer to soobin and twines their legs together, "it's freezing," he pouts. 

"we wouldn't be if we had just stayed inside, you know," soobin has a point but beomgyu's desperate for a reason to be as close to soobin as possible. desperate enough to endure even one of the chilliest winters in south korea. maybe that's selfish of him, but soobin is _just so wonderful_ and beomgyu is hopelessly infatuated by him.

beomgyu hums, albeit absentmindedly, and drums his fingers against soobin's rising chest and the two plunge into a comfortable silence. silences are always like this when it's just them, beomgyu doesn't find himself wracking his brain in search of shallow words just to fill vacant spaces. 

except tonight is different. kind of.

"y'know, you can see venus from here," beomgyu starts. he lifts his arm up to points at the most brilliant object in the sky, "see?" 

soobin nods beside him, "i know, yeonjun hyung told me."

"i think i heard it from him too."

another silence and it's all too much for beomgyu. he sits up and runs a hand through his hair. 

"do you want to go inside?" soobin asks. he gets up too, and now they're facing each other. soobin is closer to beomgyu than he had expected to be, so he can see the fading acne scars that freckle beomgyu's chin and his long eyelashes that spill onto his cheeks. 

beomgyu feels guilty but he doesn't want to go inside, not yet. there are other people inside, and beomgyu doesn't want to part ways with soobin yet, either, so he shakes his head. his eyes drop to his lap where he's picking at his nails, a bad habit he had picked up from soobin— he does it when he's nervous, and he's nervous now.

"no i— i actually had something i wanted to tell you," beomgyu exhales. there's no backing away now, he can try but soobin will not let it go, and he'd rather get it out of his system as soon as possible.

"oh?" soobin looks surprised— and understandably so. it isn't everyday beomgyu gets embarrassed around him, or in general, "what is it?"

"oh god, well you see…" beomgyu begins. his entire body is buzzing now despite himself. he scratches the back of his head, "i— i think i like boys?" it comes out more like a question and beomgyu grimaces, not because he's scared of what soobin would say, but because he sounds so unsure of himself. 

"oh my god." soobin leans in and gives him a bone-crushing hug, "oh my god, beomgyu, i'm so proud of you! do the others know?" 

beomgyu shakes his head and soobin's eyes go all soft and round, his smile changing into something more gentle, "thank you for trusting me beomie."

"is there," soobin gestures with his hands, "you know, anyone? a guy?" 

and there's the question beomgyu had been both anticipating and dreading. because there _is_ , and it's _soobin_ out of all people, but is he ready to tell him? no, not really, but he doesn't want to lie to him either. beomgyu is also a firm believer in confessing your feelings (although taehyun would probably disagree, _the chances of your crush liking you back is really small_ , or something along those lines). 

"no," he decides against it, for now, maybe one shocking revelation is enough for today. 

soobin's smile falters, slightly, only for a split second. blink once and you would have missed it. 

"we should go inside." 

soobin lifts himself up and then extends a hand out to beomgyu, which he gladly accepts, he's about to let go but soobin tightens his grip around them, and that too he accepts. 

it's way past midnight, and the others are asleep. they hear it in the way kai breathes, and in the muffled sound of yeonjun's music playing through his earphones. soobin guides him across their room, to the bathroom allocated at the end of it, he's careful so as to not have either of them trip in the dark. 

the bathroom light flickers on, and beomgyu blinks, trying to adjust his eyes to the sudden brightness. soobin chuckles and taps beomgyu's nose, "cute," he mumbles. 

it isn't cold anymore, but beomgyu sees his reflection and the way his ears flame red and hopes soobin doesn't catch it as they stand shoulder to shoulder, brushing their teeth and washing their face, ready to turn in for the night. 

soobin's wearing a fluffy-bunny-headband to keep his hair out of his face and beomgyu just finds it so incredibly endearing that he has to stop himself from pinching his cheeks. he hopes it's not uncomfortable for soobin, all this skin-ship, and maybe he should hold back a little, so he does. 

"goodnight hyung,"

soobin looks up from splashing his face with water, "g'night gyu," he smiles a secret smile. something beomgyu stores in his heart, left locked up in his chest for later. a polaroid of soobin he'll cradle in the discretion of his own thoughts as he lays in the bed next to him. 

and that's what he does until a voice cracks through the silence. it's barely above a whisper but beomgyu would be able to catch that voice anywhere, everywhere, and right now it's calling his name from the bed beside his own. 

"beomgyu, are you awake?" 

"yeah, can't sleep?" 

"yeah." 

beomgyu slinks out from under his covers and tiptoes towards soobin's bed. 

"can i?" he implores. luckily for him, he doesn't have to ask twice and soobin is already making room for them to lay comfortably. 

they've done this before, they're no strangers to this at all. yet there's something new in the way soobin apprehensively wraps his arm around beomgyu's waist, pulling him closer. there's something new in the air surrounding them and it's stifling, suffocating almost. 

soobin presses his nose into the crown of beomgyu's hair and he can't take it anymore, he's about to burst.

"hyung, stop." 

the moonlight peeks through their blinds, gracefully caressing soobin's face. beomgyu can see the alarmed look etched on his face so, so clearly and the grip around his waist loosens.

"what?" 

beomgyu's body shakes with slight laughter. 

"you can't do this to me hyung," beomgyu knows he's being unreasonable, but he can't help it. 

they've known each other for nine years, and beomgyu had come to realise his feelings for his hyung were something more than platonic for a little less than five. his mind is reeling from over five years of pining over his best friend. soobin is an open-minded guy, but beomgyu would much rather have had him be disgusted on the discovery of beomgyu's identity instead of this, whatever _this_ is. 

soobin's brows furrow even deeper, "what do you mean, gyu?" he lifts his right hand to brush beomgyu's bangs out of his eyes. 

"i mean— i mean _this_. does _this_ not bother you at all?"

"i'm not following." 

"the thing i told you before."

realisation settles in soobin's features, in the corners of his eyes and in the way he purses his lips. soobin cups his face, stroking his cheek and beomgyu looks up at him through his eyelashes.

"i wanted to tell you this before when we were outside but i figured it could wait," soobin closes the gap between them, and presses his lips to the corner of beomgyu's own, who lets out a muffled yelp of some sort. 

soobin panics for a moment and let's go, thinking he had read the signs wrong. _maybe beomgyu likes someone else. fuck, maybe he's fucked things up between them now, maybe he shouldn't have done that_ — but beomgyu, with all the shyness in the world, kisses him, full on the lips. it's sweet, and it tastes of their shared toothpaste, it's messy and uncoordinated in all the perfect ways. beomgyu's hands are fisted at soobin's chest, so soobin places his own around beomgyu's. 

they fall back, out of breath. it's dizzying, their proximity. beomgyu closes his eyes and rests his forehead against soobin's. 

"we need to talk about this," beomgyu starts, only for soobin to shut him down with a _tomorrow, tomorrow, i promise_ and beomgyu smiles at the promise of tomorrow and they fall asleep like that, intertwined as they escape off to dreamland. 

beomgyu wakes up the next day, earlier than everyone else. the sun had crept through the slits in their blinds and tickled him awake. next to him is soobin, stirring in his sleep. he looks so peaceful like this, with daylight spilling out of golden urns across his face. he presses a thumb to soobin's lips and flushes, thinking of the events that had unfolded a few hours prior. _mine, mine, mine,_ he smiles, _finally._

beomgyu slips out of soobin's arms, carefully as to not wake him up, and gets back into his own bed, before anyone else gets up and sees them like that. 

he watches soobin from the comfort of his own bed, watches the way the sun softens his otherwise hard features; all the things he had noticed but was too afraid to acknowledge before. eventually, the warmth trickling in through the glass lulls him back to sleep again, where he dreams of a tomorrow, the day after, and a forever with soobin, his golden daylight.

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from taylor swift's [daylight](https://open.spotify.com/track/1fzAuUVbzlhZ1lJAx9PtY6?si=zoEk0YtUToeqTWGKwcUF-Q). please listen to it, it's a great song.
> 
> you can find me [here](https://mobile.twitter.com/b4mtoli)


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